My latest Steven Pressfield email has landed in my inbox, spurring a response to his “Wilderness in a Corner Office” blog post.

What hit me is that while technical writing was once my “wilderness in a corner office,” writing fiction has now become my wilderness. It is no longer the dream, if it ever was. I was motivated, for sure, to write every novel, novella, and short story I wrote. And it was a step in the right direction from technical writing. But it wasn’t my final destination.

My desire for writing has been dwindling ever since I came face-to-face with my real desire, which is all about music. My original audience is gone, if *my audience* means the people who propelled me to write those stories in the first place. That need to be heard, especially by those people, was real but is no longer a thing.

So instead of continuing to work the 90 Day Novel exercises, which may be part of what’s killing that desire to write, I need to focus on music. So much to learn. The more I learn, the more I learn that some things can’t be learned. I’m absolutely terrified to keep trying! Who am I to make some noise and call it music? I absolutely do not feel good enough!! Just writing this is scaring me.

But I absolutely love it! And if I must put my ass where my heart wants to be (ala Steven Pressfield), well, music is absolutely it! For more motivation, I can read my novella, She’s Not That Good – lol!

And every time I see this sitting on my desk next to my mic, well, I feel the nudge to press on. Terrified or not. Because the fear tells me how important it is. Like the first time I auditioned for a solo part in my high school choir’s spring program. I was absolutely terrified, but I knew I absolutely had to do it. And I got the part. I’m still that girl.

 The problem is that as soon as I make a pronouncement such as this, my muse starts whispering stories it wants to hear.