New Beginnings (#50/90 #poem #lyrics)

Yes, it’s the 4th of July, Independence Day for the U.S. but also the first day of 50/90 (the write 50 songs in 90 days challenge). And so a poem came to mind during the night, raw, for sure, but, inspired by “The Making of Frozen II” on Disney Plus, I post it as part of the process of 50/90.

New Beginnings

Surrender the old
Trust in the beginning
Embracing the new
In spite of the blues
These words to the wise
My fears not disguised

This time feels different
Body older and fragile
Relying on me no longer
My spirit is stronger
The old self-reliance
Becomes a castle of silence

My heart beats a longing
For what I know not
Showing up and suited
Desire deeply rooted
Stories and sounds on keyboards I write
What the muse whispers to me in the night

Gearing up for 50/90

Fifty-ninety begins July 4th and lasts through September 30. The challenge is to create 50 songs in 90 days. I think it will be an awesome way to focus.

Yesterday, I posted on my travel blog some thoughts about my childhood and how when we visited my step dad’s family in California’s Central Valley, I would leave the women behind in the living room talking about babies to sit with the men on the front porch talking trash about drinking, the neighbors, and other stuff I can’t remember while making home-made ice cream.

Anyway, that got me to thinking about how hanging out with musicians in places like FAWM and 50/90 and Sonic Academy is like hanging out with the guys on the front porch. While there are women there, the majority are men. And that’s more than okay.

I also notice that when I’m involved in podcasts and live videos in these communities, we focus on the music. Nothing else exists other than a passing comment about having more time to create music. There’s no politics. And it’s so refreshing.

So I’m thinking that maybe if I focus on the next 90 days, that when it’s over, all of this might be over. Or in a better place than where we are now. And if not, October brings Rocktober and November brings National Solo Album Month (NaSoAlMo), the music version of NaNoWriMo (instead of writing a novel in a month, you write an album). Maybe *then* it will be over. If not, then there’s Christmas and New Year’s and then maybe it will be over or mostly over in 2021.

 

Discovering Sound Design

(This may be repetitive for those who have read this blog for some time, but in a nutshell, this is the background to my music journey.)

I’ve always loved singing – even from a young age. My mother tells the story of me, smudge on cheek, sitting on the front porch singing with my step dad while he played guitar – me having no idea what the lyrics were to the song. Later, I performed in the school choir and sang as a soloist. I played an electric organ I got for my 7th birthday. Later, I moved on to piano and when groups like the Beatles were all the rage, I even played a few chords on the guitar.

I was stumped by three things.

Being told:

  • You have a great ear for music
  • Your writing is poetic, almost lyrical in rhythm

The first one was said by my school music teacher and later, my vocal coach in Las Vegas (he appeared in Mamma Mia), and the second was my literary agent when she signed me for Real Women Wear Red.

Thinking:

  • My favorite words in 1st Grade were “said” and “David”
  • My favorite songs had stripper-like drums

Later, when I met my father, he said “All my kids play the drums” and then it all fell into place. That explained some of my favorite songs, and, of course, the “d” in those words sounded like a drum – lol!

I also discovered my grandmother wrote poetry. Ah… I started putting it all together, pursuing songwriting and got a new music keyboard. But something wasn’t quite coming together. Then, as I started studying music production, first GarageBand, then LogicPro, and now Ableton Live, I realized how much I loved “sound” – it’s something more than just music.

I recently purchased Kick2 and Ana2 from Sonic Academy, learning deeper levels of sound design. And I absolutely love it! This is so bringing me out of the doldrums this weird time in our world has brought to us.

This also brings up questions, such as:

  • Should I do 50/90 this year?
  • Will I renew my TAXI A&R membership?

Neither seem all that focused on the kind of music and/or sounds I’m creating. Perhaps it’s time to reassess my goals.

Good Days, Bad Days

My last post headlined, “In the Midst of Chaos, Create.” That was a good day.

Today I’m stumped about what to create. I pull open my wip, make a couple of edits and then lose all interest in the story. Maybe because it’s the third in the “Real Women” series set on a cruise ship. Cruise ships remind me of “The Bob” or “Covid-19” if you must.

I open the Logic Pro X 10.5 update playlist, thinking maybe I can learn more on this update and create some music. My brain shuts down.

Today is a bad day. I can’t wrap my head around what is happening. Like most of you, I’m impatient for the return to “normal.” But Disneyland still isn’t setting real opening dates. Knott’s Berry Farm isn’t opening. I read headlines about the Berlin club scene in serious threat of demise.

I’ve never been one for large crowds or people crowding in my space, but many of my favorite activities are in areas with crowds. Cruise ships, Disney parks. Dance clubs (well, not recently – lol).

I’m also a planner, but how can you plan anything when you have no idea what will be open or what it will look like.

This may all seem rather insignificant, but the truth is, I already struggle with depression. Besides, my Faith, which only this weekend will I be attending my church (yes, I got a “reservation.”), these are the little things that make me happy. The little trips and planning of trips my husband and I do together.

Like my annual birthday dinner at Napa Rose at Disneyland Resort. Unfortunately, it will not be open in time for my birthday. So, yes, I’m feeling more depressed than normal. It’s situational. And situational is more difficult to overcome when the situation isn’t quite right.

Usually, I can lose myself in writing or music or planning or dreaming. But this is a bad day. A bad day is when I can’t get lost in the writing or music because I’m all too aware of what’s going on out there.

But I am reminded of “Wishin’ and Hopin,” a song from my childhood, back when I thought this was what life was all about – lol! It makes me smile, though, so I guess this is a good day after all. 🙂

 

Deja Vu at the Blue Diamond Saloon, the Book, the Poem, the Tour, and Now the Song (#FAWM)

You may recall that I’d just finished a publicity tour for my psychological suspense novel, Deja Vu at the Blue Diamond Saloon at the end of 2019 before starting FAWM on February 1st. Well, during the tour, I’d written a poem about the book here.

So, naturally, I turned that into a song for FAWM 2020. Check it out. I hope you like it – the song, poem, the tour, and the book. 🙂

Wings of an Eagle (#poem #lyrics)

My head silently screams through the night
When the long-awaited answer is nearly in sight
Wings of an eagle flap, ready to take flight

Nowhere to go, I must now stay
Running was the thing of another day
Understanding when absent, intuition leads the way

I must not fear, sleeping under God’s wings
The storyteller prays as the choir now sings
Artists and monks the truth must bring

Wings of an eagle carry the message
Laser-focused eyes encompass the ledge
Save me from falling teetering on the edge

 

Remember When (#poem) (#lyrics) (#50/90)

Big problem haunting me
is now resolved
Not feeling excitement
but relief
Sneaking in day by day
can barely celebrate
Searching for the home I
vaguely recall

This is how this chapter
ends then
From a caterpillar
to a butterfly
Leaving behind that life
I know not why
Forever recall with
“remember when”

Remember when his breath smelled good
First beer, first kiss out in the woods
Remember when the grease smelled nice
Flipping burgers on a Friday night
First job, first car was “Out-a-sight”
Remember when
The way it was back then

Now I ask
oh where is home
Now that the old one
has fled and gone
To be content I must
cease to long
From here on out am I
called to roam?

Remember when his breath smelled good
First beer, first kiss out in the woods
Remember when the grease smelled nice
Flipping burgers on a Friday night
First job, first car was “out-a-sight”
Remember when
The way it was back then

I hear a song
writing in my head
In that moment
I am always home
Memories are close
I record on my phone
And thumb through photos
to remember when

Remember when his breath smelled good
First beer, first kiss out in the woods
Remember when the grease smelled nice
Flipping burgers on a Friday night
First job, first car was “Out-a-sight”
Remember when
The way it was back then

 

True Grit (#lyrics #poem #50/90)

Watching the remake of “True Grit”
For the first time after I met him
I thought of my father known as John Wayne
Named after his hero, he lived up to it

I sat next to him in English class
He told me he saw me with a man like that
Years later I see what he saw that in me
I knew who I was when I put down my mask

True Grit not taken lightly
Reputation, integrity at stake
Trustworthy and strong, reliability
Doing all things for God’s sake

I write my songs so differently
Listening to the beat of a different drum
Wandering back to where I come from
On the road of discovering my identity

True Grit not taken lightly
Reputation, integrity at stake
Trustworthy and strong, reliability
Doing all things for God’s sake

Remembering when true grit was part of life
Our heros loved Real Women
Not lingerie models once hidden
But respect and honor and prayers at night

True Grit not taken lightly
Reputation, integrity at stake
Trustworthy and strong, reliability
Doing all things for God’s sake

Dig in and Hold On (#lyrics #poem #50/90)

Fifty Ninety (50 songs in 90 days) is starting in a couple of days so it’s time to start writing poems in more of a song form for potential songs.

I’ve been quiet for too long
Sitting at the library reading those books
Writing in my diary dodging those looks
Gotta show ‘em who I am
Show ‘em what I’ve got
Not gotta lie down, I’m way too strong

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

I dug out old photographs of my old boyfriends
The ones he “made” me throw away
Instead I hid them along with my dignity
Jonesing for a second chance
now he’s down and out
Begging for some money I could lend no doubt

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

Not gonna feel guilty
He had more than a second chance
Running through women, drugs, and money
Laughing like the truth was so funny

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

Stomp, stomp, scream and shout
Let your inner diva out

Dig in and hold on
It’s time to make some noise
Stuck in my head for way too long
Pedal to the medal, come on, girls, let’s race some boys

The Father’s Blessing (#poem)

So easy to deny in a world full of pride
That need deep inside
Surrounded by those with an agenda I suppose
Embracing the eternal lie

Evil is clever putting on the glitz and black leather
Serving up the kool-aid
No father, no problem, any man will do
Trading sex in a false love’s chase

Lost souls are hurting, their wounds are piercing, accusing others of hating in their tirade
Kill the messenger they say and nothing has changed
Subvert the true plan by subverting true nature leaving behind ashes from the flames

When you look closer you can’t miss the answer
Seeking men for pleasure is not your desire
When the father’s blessing is missing, the heart is listening to the fire
Instead of the water that quenches the thirst, surrendering to the true cure